Couples today expect more out of sex and intimacy than in any point in history. As we live longer our expectations for conjugal bliss continue to grow, far exceeding those of prior generations. Current divorce rates highlight how rarely our expectations are fulfilled. So if you are like most people, you are having sexual difficulties or simply want better sex and intimacy, you need to know just what the problems are and then find a way to deal with those problems. Here are the most common problems men and women face in the bedroom and how to deal with them.
Performance anxiety
Whether it’s on the rifle range when you’re 15 or in the bedroom when you’re 25 feels the same. It doesn’t matter what the anxiety is about. Worrying about outcome blocks performance. And sexual performance anxiety is no different. Sex needs to be relaxed, spontaneous, and fun; a chance to deepen intimacy and be absorbed only in the immediate moment. To deal with this, you need to stop looking at sex as a performance and take time to enjoy the moment and just see what happens.
Boredom
Most couples’ bedroom problems arise when they become bored with their sex life. Usually, long-term sex with the same person can eventually become predictable. And while there’s something comforting about sexual familiarity, it can breed contempt if it’s the only dish on the menu. To break out of bedroom boredom, experiment with different positions, focus on improving your sexual skills, or surprise your partner by telling him or her an erotic fantasy or dirty dream to kick-start your sexual imaginations, just change the way you behave in bed.
Ignoring the Connection between Emotional and Physical Intimacy
The way a couple treats each other outside of the bedroom has a direct effect on the quality of their love life. Nasty, nagging and negative partners rarely enjoy five-star sex. Strengthen your relationship by improving communication, prioritizing couple time, making your partner feel appreciated, and approaching conflict with humility, an open-mind and a team-player mentality. Replace the criticism or contempt in your voice with a respectful, affectionate tone. Do the “little things” that you know will help your partner have a happier day. It’s your best bet for a hotter night.
Electronic Interlopers
Laptops, tablets, iProducts and smartphones have a way of sneaking into the bedroom and undermining a couple’s private downtime. When you reply to a text or update your Facebook status instead of snuggling your sweetheart, you inadvertently send the message that your partner is not as interesting or important as the person on the other end of whatever gadget is in your hand. Make your bedroom a technology-free zone. Charge your cell phone on the kitchen counter and leave your laptop in the living room. Reclaim your bedroom for the two of you.
Couples should also focus on stimulating the largest sex organ, the brain. Sex is at its best when partners are both mentally and physically turned on. It’s wrong to think sex is just physical. Attitudes and the way your mind is focused have a huge impact on your sexual experience. Your levels of arousal need to be just right.
